fredag den 18. juni 2021

WEP - A New Challenge with an Old Protagonist

For years now I have been reading Olga Godim's blog, but not until now it has dawned upon me that the Write ... Edit ... Publish Challenge was for everybody. And now the prompt, topic, whatyamacallit is the Great Wave off Kanagawa (神奈川沖浪裏). A piece of art that has always been of significance to me -- and hence to Susan. I do not know if continuing a story you wrote before joining WEP would be considered cheating, but as it is my story, my blog and my fun, I do it anyway.

Back to the Unicorn Farm we go ...

Back to the Christmas holidays, where Susan gets an inkling of Torben and Tristan's sombre plans. The link is to the last episode in this chapter. The chapter in one go can be read here.


The Christmas party had been a mixed blessing. Susan had seen and talked to the Lion Dancers, Kensuke and Teiko once again. She already missed them even if they left only two days ago. And Ella. That girl was something special. She could do no magic, but she now lived with her grandmother who was the best witch Susan had ever met, maybe apart from Thora. She had of course also left two days ago same as all the other guests. Scheduled teaching in magic had taken over, and Susan was at the same time relieved and sad. Relieved because studying magic was fun, it was what she most loved to do, and as she was an introvert, she had had  a hard time when the Farm was filled up with strangers everywhere. But still she missed  Kensuke, Teiko and gentle Ella.
  Heidi and the twins, Lis and Tage tried to lift up her spirits by telling awful jokes and generally making her laugh. Of course it was nice to have them as friends. Heidi was the very best friend, and a genius when it came to transformation, the only subject apart from broomstick flying where Susan did not excel. She hated flying, she thought. No, that was not true. She did not really hate it, she just found it tedious, a chore,  and a scary chore at that.
  The next morning Heidi woke Susan up with her yells: "Susan, Susan, there's a letter for you! It was on my pillow. It must have come by magical mail, but it looks just like a normal letter."
  "Please let me have it," Susan said. Heidi handed her the letter and pretended not to be interested in the contents, combing her hair and putting it in pigtails while Susan looked at the letter.
  "It's from Japan!" Susan said in surprise.
  "How do you know?" Heidi asked. She stopped pretending she was absorbed in doing her hair, and sat next to Susan on the rollaway bed.
  "Look at the stamp. It's my favourite Japanese woodcut, the Great Wave off Kanagawa, I'm sure it's Teiko or Kensuke writing."
 "Open it already!" Heidi said, bouncing on the bed.
  "Yes, yes, will do." Susan turned over the letter. "There's no sender," she said mystified. Then she threw caution to the winds, and ripped open the letter. Inside was a folded sheet of paper, written in Kensuke's crabbed handwriting. Susan read through it quickly. "It seems they, that is Kensuke, Teiko and Ella, met with some sort of accident on their way home. They are all at Ella's Grandma's place now. And they will return here."
  Heidi smiled, then turned serious. "I hope they were not hurt," she said.
  "No, not that kind of accident," Susan said. "I've got to read the letter one more time or two, but it seems like something happened to the portal and dumped them in Ella's woods. You remember I told about the werewolves and the gargoyles?" Heidi nodded. "Well it seems that one of the former werewolves has some kind of problems. They'll come here to get help from the teachers. Oh, I hope they'll stay for a while."

"You hope who is going to stay?" Lis asked as she opened the door. "You'd better come down, breakfast is ready. If we're having guests, I hope Mum is not going to explode."

***

Word count: 561 ~ Full critique acceptable.
Typos will be corrected as commenters tell me about my mistakes. Thanks in advance.

48 kommentarer:

  1. Hi,
    A very interesting take on the prompt. I wanted to read more. Wanted to know what happened and why the three friends couldn't go further.
    You had me engaged from the beginning.
    Welcome to the WEP. It's nice having you a part of us.
    Shalom aleichem

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thank you. This is a bit in the middle of everything, and I sure have to find out why the portal dumped them in Schwartzwald, when they were heading for Tokyo.
      I'm happy for your reactions. and thank you for the welcome.

      Slet
  2. Hi,

    I liked your snipped from your novel. I always enjoy magically themed stories. Since you asked for a full crit, I did find several typos and misspellings in your story. "Which... should be Witch ... Crabby should be Crappy, etc. You also use the adverb very, often. Cleaning up adverbs like very and any word ending in LY would tighten your writing and help make it shine. In your tag lines, instead if telling us their reaction, try and show it. For example: " she said mystified. May say, she said owl-eyed. Or something to that affect. These are just a few suggestions. I hope they help. Thanks for sharing your story!

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thank you. Those are the exact things I was hoping for. I'm not a native speaker and the spellchecker does not protest when I misspell witch, crabby etc because these word do exist as words - just not the ones I wanted. Btw, a bit dictionary-work shows me I meant crabbed, not crabby or crappy ;)
      'Very' is a good word - I love it very much ;)
      I'll try to 'show, not tell' more in the future. Thank you again.

      Slet
    2. Happy to help. Yes, Crabbed works well. I suspected English wasn't your native language, but you do write it well! It is such a difficult language. Even as a native to the language, I get mixed up and spell words wrong and have grammar issues. I for one, have had YEARS of grammar issues. I still do, but thankfully for GRAMMERLY, a grammar help guide, my writing is far more polished. It is not full proof, but it does help me a great deal to catch misspelling or grammar issues.

      Slet
    3. Hehe, I love that you advocate for a spelling service (which I know and use, but thanks for suggesting) all the while making a wonderful mistake - "full proof" should be "fool proof" - or shouldn't it?

      Slet
  3. Hi Charlotte - I love the way you've included a postage stamp of Hokusai's 'Great Wave' into your ongoing story ... it'll be interesting to see what happens next. Thanks for the different take - cheers Hilary

    SvarSlet
  4. A great take on the prompt. This fragment of your larger story acts as a teaser. Your readers inevitably want to know more. Well done!
    Also thank you for mentioning my blog.

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thank you. I like to write, and this is right down my alley. I hope you have time for a visit to my Unicorn Farm-blog where the whole caboodle is put together.

      Slet
  5. Welcome to WEP. The story got my attention. Do we get the next instalment in August?

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. I'm afraid I can't wait for so long. I like writing too much. and each Wednesday I participate in the Words for Wednesday Challenge - a chance to continue the story.

      Slet
  6. I am so glad that you have joined WEP. Not only do I get to enjoy another episode in your continuing story, others do too. The WEP community is very (and I like that word too) welcoming as well.

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Yes so it seems. I'm happy to have found them - and you.

      Slet
  7. An intriguing world and storyline! Nicely done!

    SvarSlet
  8. Hej Charlotte,

    Velkommen.

    It’s not easy to write a story in a language other than your native tongue. You’ve done a good job and some edits will improve it. I read Michael’s comments and agree about “show, don’t tell” and limiting the use of adverbs. There is a list of words editors suggest being removed from a MS to make it cleaner and flow smoother. Sorry, “very” is one of those words. 😊

    The story caught my attention from the beginning and held my attention throughout. Stories that involve magic always are of interest to me. Your characters are likeable and I’m anxious to know more about them. You’ve left me wanting to know more.

    Thanks for a good read.

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Tak!
      And yes, I know that list, I found it soemwhere once upon a time, it might be time for a re-visit. I am trying to improve, and thus like to know what I can do better.
      The story is part of a long, rambling and contradicting story I have been writing for years now. I am editing it for publication in Danish, and it will not look much like what you can find here. And there's loads to discover. The caracters stays as they are as they are semi-biogrphic.

      Slet
  9. Loved the detail of the stamp, and like many others here, I want to know more about the friends! Thanks!

    SvarSlet
  10. Welcome to WEP! So lovely that you came via Olga's blog - Olga's one of the admin team. WEP is indeed open to everyone, and whatever you want to share, whether an extract from a WIP, a new piece of writing, a poem ... all is welcome. I loved your snippet here and like everyone else, I'm looking forward to more. I'm glad you also write for Words for Wednesday and know the wonderful Sue (Elephant's Child).
    Once again, welcome to WEP, and I hope we hear more from you!

    SvarSlet
  11. Wonderful entry! Continuing stories are always fun. A great cliffhanger keeps the readers turning the page or impatiently waiting for the next installment. Welcome to the WEP!

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thank you. I hope to live up to your expectations.

      Slet
  12. This little snippet of story has so much intrigue packed into a few words. I'm curious to learn more of these friends and this world they inhabit.

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. There's more in the archives .. and more to come. Thanks

      Slet
  13. Mistakes? "the best witch, Susan have ever met" needs NO comma after "witch".
    Apart from that, this is a great chapter, I hope the werewolf gets the help he needs.

    SvarSlet
  14. And now I made my own mistake, writing 'have' instead of 'had'.

    SvarSlet
  15. Nice to meet you over Lion Dancers, Henry says hi!
    So many names. Heidi will forever be stuck with the Alpes, Peter and the Grandfather for me. Oh, shoot, now I have an earworm!

    A magical letter, ohhhh! Japan was not such a surprise after the names you gave ;-) My Dad sold Seiko-watches and both my parents were invited to Japan in the 70´s.

    @River... LOL...

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Heidi is a normal enough name in Denmark too. There's a "who's who at the Unicorn Farm" in the left sidebar. This should be a help.
      Greetings and good wishes to you, Ingo and Henry ;)

      Slet
  16. This was intriguing and fun. I really liked the way the prompt has been inserted into the story as a postage stamp and a clue - super nifty. So glad to have you at the WEP - welcome! I do hope you'll tell us more about these characters in the forthcoming challenges.

    SvarSlet
  17. This sounds like a fun world! I will be visiting to read the chapter.

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thanks, there's loads to read in the archives.

      Slet
  18. As always, i do enjoy your stories.

    Looking over it with eyes to edit (although i am no editor!), perhaps you could say, "an extrovert" instead of "very extrovert".

    "The next morning" would read better than simply, "Next morning". The extra quotation mark after the exclamation point in that same sentence is unneeded.

    Now it reads: "How do you know?" Heidi asked, stopped pretending she was absorbed...
    Perhaps a period after asked, and then, She stopped pretending she was absorbed...

    If any of those don't help, feel free to ignore them!

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thank you. They all make the text better. I can - and hope to - improve my English.

      Slet
  19. An interesting story. It would seem that saving werewolves and gargoyles is an important task. I found that unique.
    Nancy

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Gargoyles have jobs, among those to fight werewolves - save human beings withces mostly, from werewolves, and along the line saving these as well. I have written a long chapter on this - and the Lion Dancers. You can read it here: https://the-unicornfarm.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_3.html

      Slet
  20. Welcome! Glad to have you join us, along with your interesting batch of characters. I have one question: why are the lion dancers Japanese? There’s no *real* reason they can’t be, but the lion dance is a traditional Chinese art, as I understand it. Is there a Japanese version?

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Lion dancers are Chinese in origin, but they have a long tradition in Japan as well. The first lion dance recorded in Japan was at the inauguration ceremonies of Tōdai-ji in Nara in 752 (Wikipedia).

      Slet
    2. Cool—I didn’t know that! All the lion dancers I know (I’m from the San Francisco area) were the Chinese varient!

      Slet
    3. Thank you, and thanks for the welcome. I did not know either, but Elephant's Child's prompt for a Word for Wednesday Challenge was a photo of Japanese Lion Dancers in Canberra (Oct. 23 - Nov. 7 2019).

      Slet
  21. A great debut on WEP. Hope you'll come again and entertain us with more of your tales.

    SvarSlet
  22. I enjoyed meeting your characters. I certainly think it's fine to write something that is a continuation of previous work. I often do. However, I'm not sure that doing as I do is advised. People don't like me very much.

    Terribly sorry to be tardy to the party. I had a bit of a mental crisis but am back to abnormal now.

    Your post is included in this week's Roost Recommendations. I share the Roost Recommendations posts on Twitter with readers looking for their next read.
    https://ornerybookemporium.blogspot.com/2021/06/roost-recommendations-27-june-2021.html

    And now I understand why some people were calling me Charlotte!

    SvarSlet
    Svar
    1. Thank you so much!
      I'm happy to hear that you're better.
      And you give the solution to the enigmatic remark about mixing up owls in the latest W.E.P post. ;)

      Slet
  23. Funny and interesting. I felt there remains a lot more to be told than you have just told.

    SvarSlet

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