June ~ The Solitary Hero ~ 9 An interlude. June kapitel 9 ~ et mellemspil

Here's the strange interlude I woke up with some days ago. Does it fit? Why, why not? Do you like it?

Next morning June was hit by a strange thought. 'It's Sunday. I want to go to church.' She found the local paper, an old-fashioned one, still giving the time for church services nearby. She perused the list. All the evangelical ones were at 9 or 10. Too early for her to make it by bus. Then an Adventist one, offering service and coffee at 9.30. June spluttered., Her irreverent parents had always called the local Adventist community for Saint Coffee's. A Pentecostal service at 10.30, more like it. but alas too far away from the bus stop to make it in time. This left only the Catholic mass at 11. She thought back on her childhood travels to France and Italy. Majestic Gothic or Roman churches, smelling of frankincense and candles. Pretty windows, old ladies mumbling in the corners. Her parents had been rather indifferent, finding religion of any kind a waste of time. Dennis had been a scorner. But still their children had been baptised in the local church, and he and the children were buried there as well.
She decided to go to the mass. She dressed inconspicuously, came a few minutes before the mass began and sat down in a pew in the back of the church. She intended to behave as everybody else, and this was easier done when not sitting up front. The church was very full, and really nothing special, mock Gothic, red bricks inside and out, sparse but with a couple of nice glass mosaics windows depicting Jesus, Mary and some saints. Only the smell was the same, calming, incense and candles and something else.

The priest entered, preceded by a few altar servers while the congregation sang. Nobody played the organ, and she wondered if the organist had fallen ill.
The priest seemed to be an ordinary, kind man. After confession of sins, a nice thing, June thought. and some back and forth someone from the congregation read passages from the Bible while they all remained seated. Then they got up while the priest read from the Bible. So far nothing strange. Sermon, profession of the faith, missing the renunciation of the devil and evil - but why not, because of the confession if sins in the beginning? Collecting of money, Dad was right there, Catholics were a greedy lot. Then came something different, Bread and wine were carried to the altar by children from the congregation. The priest took them, said a lot of prayers and suddenly it struck her: It is a re-enactment of the last supper. We're the disciples, the priest is Christ. Then everybody knelt, and June with them, And the priest took bread and wine one by one and said the words that Jesus had said at the last supper: This is my body ..., This is my blood ... June asked God all the whys and hows from her marriage and from the death of her dears one by one. She did not get an answer, but just as she raised her head, the priest lifted up the bread and wine and half sang: Through him, and with him, and in him, O God, almighty Father, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honour is yours, for ever and ever. Amen. And then the sun broke through the clouds and shone through one of the yellow pieces of glass directly on the elevated host. And she felt at peace.
She got up with the rest of the congregation, said the Lord's prayer, stumbling a bit over the inclusion of some prayer by the priest alone before the Thine is the kingdom piece.

The priest prayed for peace, and the woman next to her turned to her and extended her hand. June took the offered hand, and the woman said: "Peace be with you!" June had noticed the woman earlier, she was together with her husband and three small children, She had quietly been nursing the baby during the sermon, and now it slept, leaning against her neck.

Everybody knelt again, also June. And then The priest spoke to the congregation:"I know many present here today are not Catholics, and while the Eucharist is reserved for those in full communion with the Church (June could hear the capital letter), everybody is welcome to have a blessing. I'll know by your placing your right hand on your left shoulder. A blessing, June mused, yes, why not. In for a lamb, in for a sheep - she almost laughed out loud. Jesus had been called the lamb of God a short while ago. She followed the family next tho her, The man took the two toddlers, they looked to be three and two years old, while the woman followed carrying the sleeping baby. The priest gave the two small ones a blessing, also the sleeping baby, and placed the sacred hose in the mouth of both parents. One of the altar servers smiled and surreptitiously waved at the woman. June realised that at least he, and probably a bigger one too, also belonged to the couple. Five children,, and they looked so happy. June hurriedly placed left hand on her right shoulder, the priest smiled at her and made the sign of the cross over her.

Then she knelt with the rest of the congregation once again - much more kneeling, standing, blessing and such were happening than during the masses she had been to during religious teaching in school. Also you had to pray along, not only listen and sing. She had heard something about active participation; this must be it.
The mass ended with announcements of things happening in the coming week, rehearsals for first holy communion, and coffee after mass. June smiled again. Saint Coffee's lived here too. And then the final blessing, and "The Mass is ended, go in peace."

Outside the church the mother of five turned to June: "You're new here, are you coming for coffee?"
June looked at her watch. Ten minutes to the next bus and then a two hours interval. "No, thanks," she replied. "I have to catch a bus either in ten minutes or in two hours and ten minutes. It'll be too late."
The woman asked June which bus and after hearing the number offered to take her. "We live in the next town on that route, and we have a big car, have to with six kids ..." she was interrupted by the two boys having served at mass who came running to her.
"Did we do OK, mummy?"
"Pater Andrew promised us a chocolate bar if we sat quietly during mass and did our job."
"You did fine," the woman said, "I'm sure you'll have your bribe." They ran off to the next house, and the woman turned to June, "Are you coming or not?"
"Maybe next time," June said. "It was rather overwhelming, But six kids you say, I see only five."
"Oh, the oldest is missing, she's the only girl by the way, she's in Australia with the World Youth days, meeting the Pope, seeing the world."
"Australia," June blurted, "how old is she ... Oh, OK, I'll tag along for coffee, this sounds too interesting, and I'm half late already."

June sat next to Sanne and Jonah, her husband, and had a surprisingly good cup of coffee. She told them that she was not a Catholic - "We guessed" Sanne said - but had come because it was the only service matching the bus' time table.
Sanne told a bit more of the World Youth days, an amazing biennial happening for all between 18 and 25 years of age.
Then June told of her father's nickname, Saint Coffee's, for arrangements like this, and had them both laughing "Some Catholics call it the eighth sacrament," Jonah said.
Emboldened by this, June continued: "My father also said Catholics were always busy collecting money, and what I saw today confirmed this.
"Oh," Sanne began, and the oldest son sad "No way!"
"Yes, Daniel, please explain," Sanne said, and Daniel continued. "You see, first, the money are symbolic, it't like we're giving us. It's OK to put in only a small coin - most do actually. And then our offerings - us - are carried to the altar, as if giving us to God. Secondly. The Church in Denmark is very far from rich. We do not get any tax money, and the buildings need repair and heating in winter, and priests have to eat too, you know."
"I never thought of it this way," June said.

The drive home was cosy. Daniel and Peter, the next oldest, told her about some wild games in the woods, of riding horses, and of a stupid teacher at school. Andrew told her solemnly that he was named after the priest, and Mark happily babbled at her. The smallest slept, then awoke crying. June deftly gave him his comforter and gently patted his hair until he slept again.
"You're good at this", Sanne said, "Do you have kids of your own?"
June felt that she was not prying, and answered non-committally. "I have no family, except for my elderly parents, living far away."

She asked to be let off at the bus-stop. Sanne gave her their phone number, and added: "Don't hesitate to call if you need a lift,"
"I'll need a 'phone first," June replied.
"Get one, we're heading into winter. And you should get a bike, too" Sanne added. "It's absolutely manageable by bike to town."
"Thanks for everything, and for the ride," June said waving.

June walked home alone, musing. "Peace". The word peace had been said repeatedly during mass. It had been almost the first and the last words spoken by the priest. And she felt more at peace than ever before.

 * * * * * * * * *

På dansk

Her er et underligt mellemspil til historien om June. Det dukkede op fuldt færdigt i mit hoved for et par dage siden. Hvad synes I Passer det ind? Hvorfor eller hvorfor ikke? Kan i lide det?


Næste morgen blev June ramt af en mærkelig tanke. 'Det er søndag. Jeg vil gerne i kirke'. Hun fandt den lokale avis, en gammeldags én, der stadig angav tidspunkterne for gudstjenester i nærheden. Hun gennemgik listen. Alle de protestantiske gudstjenester var enten kl. 9 eller 10. For tidligt for hende at nå frem med bussen. Så var der en adventistgudstjeneste, der tilbød gudstjeneste og kaffe kl. 9.30. June havde nær spruttet sin morgenkaffe ud over avisen. Hendes respektløse forældre havde altid kaldt det lokale adventistmenighed for »Sankt Kaffe«. En pinsegudstjeneste kl. 10.30, det lød mere som noget for hende. Men desværre lå den for langt væk fra busstoppestedet til, at hun kunne nå det i tide. Så var der kun den katolske messe kl. 11 tilbage. Hun tænkte tilbage på sin barndoms rejser til Frankrig og Italien. Majestætiske gotiske eller romanske kirker, der duftede af røgelse og stearinlys. Smukke glasvinduer og gamle damer, der mumlede i hjørnerne. Hendes forældre havde været temmelig ligeglade og betragtet enhver form for religion som spild af tid. Dennis havde været en spotter. Men alligevel var deres børn blevet døbt i den lokale kirke, og både han og børnene var også blevet begravet der.
    Hun besluttede at gå til messen. Hun klædte sig diskret, ankom et par minutter før messen begyndte og satte sig bagerst i kirken. Hun havde til hensigt at opføre sig som alle andre, og det var lettere, når man ikke sad forrest. Kirken var meget fyldt og egentlig ikke noget særligt: pseudogotisk, røde mursten både indvendigt og udvendigt, sparsomt indrettet, men med et par smukke glasmosaikvinduer, der forestillede Jesus, Maria og nogle helgener. Kun duften var den samme – beroligende, af røgelse, stearinlys og noget andet.

* * *

Præsten kom ind sammen med et par altertjenere, mens menigheden sang. Der var ingen, der spillede på orglet, og hun spekulerede på, om organisten mon var blevet syg.
    Præsten virkede som en almindelig, venlig mand. Efter syndsbekendelsen – 'det var da en god indledning,'  tænkte June – og lidt mere sang læste nogle fra menigheden passager op fra Bibelen, mens de alle sad ned. Derefter rejste de sig, mens præsten læste op fra Bibelen. Indtil videre intet mærkeligt. Prædiken, trosbekendelse, hvor forsagelsen af djævelen og det onde manglede – mon det var på grund af syndsbekendelsen i begyndelsen? Kollekt, med kurve, der gik rundt og som folk lagde penge i; far havde ret, katolikker var et grådigt folkefærd. Så skete der noget anderledes: Brød og vin blev båret op til alteret af børn fra menigheden. Præsten tog imod dem, sagde en masse bønner, og pludselig gik det op for hende: Det er ligesom en genopførelse af den sidste nadver. Vi er disciplene, præsten er Kristus. Så knælede alle, og June med dem, og præsten tog brød og vin et efter et og sagde de samme ord, som Jesus havde sagt ved den sidste nadver: »Dette er mit legeme …, Dette er mit blod …« June spurgte Gud om alle sine 'hvorfor' og 'hvordan' om sit ægteskab og om sine kæres død. Hun fik ikke noget svar, men lige da hun løftede hovedet, løftede præsten brødet og vinen og sang nærmest: "Ved ham og med ham og i ham tilkommer dig, Gud Fader, den Almægtige, i Helligåndens enhed, al herlighed og ære fra evighed til evighed. Amen. Og så brød solen igennem skyerne og skinnede gennem et af de gule glasstykker direkte på hostien som præsten hold i vejret. Og hun følte sig fyldt af fred.
Hun rejste sig sammen med resten af menigheden, bad Fadervor og snublede lidt over, at præsten indflettede en bøn alene, før han kom til »Dit er riget«.

Præsten bad om fred, og kvinden ved siden af hende vendte sig mod hende og rakte hende hånden. June tog imod den udstrakte hånd, og kvinden sagde: »Fred være med dig!« June havde lagt mærke til kvinden tidligere; hun var sammen med sin mand og tre små børn. Hun havde stille og roligt ammet babyen under prædikenen, og nu sov den, lænet mod hendes hals.

Alle knælede igen, også June. Og så talte præsten til menigheden: »Jeg ved, at mange af de tilstedeværende her i dag ikke er katolikker, og selvom eukaristien er forbeholdt dem, der er i fuld kommunion med Kirken (June kunne høre det store bogstav), er alle velkomne til at modtage en velsignelse. Jeg ved det, når I lægger jeres højre hånd på jeres venstre skulder.« En velsignelse, tænkte June, ja, hvorfor ikke. Hun fulgte efter familien ved siden af hende. Manden tog de to små børn – de så ud til at være tre og to år gamle – mens kvinden fulgte efter med den sovende baby. Præsten gav de to små en velsignelse, og lagde en hostie til munden på begge forældre. En af alterdrengene smilede og vinkede i det skjulte til kvinden. June indså, at i det mindste han – og sandsynligvis også en større dreng – også var deres børn. Fem børn, og de så så lykkelige ud. June lagde i forvirringen venstre hånd på højre skulder; præsten smilede til hende og gjorde korsets tegn over hende.

Derefter knælede hun sammen med resten af menigheden endnu en gang – der var langt mere knælen, ståen, korstegn og den slags end der havde været til de messer, hun havde været til som en del af sin konfirmationsforberedelse. Man skulle også bede med, ikke bare lytte og synge. Hun havde hørt noget om aktiv deltagelse; det måtte være det her.
    Messen sluttede med meddelelser om begivenheder i den kommende uge, øvelser til den første hellige kommunion og kirkekaffe efter messen. June smilede igen. Sankt Kaffe boede altså også her. Og så den afsluttende velsignelse og »Messen er slut, gå bort med Kristi fred.«

Uden for kirken vendte moren til fem sig mod June: »Du er ny her, kommer du med til kirkekaffe?«
June kiggede på sit ur. Ti minutter til den næste bus og derefter ville der først gå en om to timer. »Nej, tak,« svarede hun. »Jeg skal nå en bus enten om ti minutter eller om to timer og ti minutter. Det bliver lidt sent.«
Kvinden spurgte June, hvilken bus det var, og da hun hørte nummeret, tilbød hun at køre hende. »Vi bor i den næste by på den rute, og vi har en stor bil – det er vi nødt til med seks børn …« Hun blev afbrudt af de to drenge, der havde været alterdrenge under messen, og som kom løbende hen til hende.
»Klarede vi det ikke fint, mor?«
»Pater Andras lovede os en chokoladebar, hvis vi sad stille under messen og gjorde det, vi skulle.«
»I klarede det fint,« sagde kvinden, »jeg er sikker på, I får jeres bestikkelse.« De løb videre til det næste hus, og kvinden vendte sig mod June: »Kommer du med eller ej?«
»Måske næste gang,« sagde June. »Det var lidt overvældende. Men du siger seks børn – jeg kan kun se fem.«
»Åh, den ældste er væk – hun er forresten den eneste pige – hun er i Australien til Verdensungdomsdagene, hvor hun skal møde paven og se verden.«
»Australien,« udbrød June, »hvor gammel er hun … Åh, okay, jeg tager en kop kaffe, det lyder alt for interessant, og jeg er allerede for sent på den.«

June satte sig ved siden af Sanne og Jonah, hendes mand, og fik en overraskende god kop kaffe. Hun fortalte dem, at hun ikke var katolik – »Det havde vi gættet,« sagde Sanne – men var kommet, fordi det var den eneste gudstjeneste, der passede med busens køreplan.
Sanne fortalte lidt mere om Verdensungdomsdagene, en fantastisk begivenhed, der finder sted hvert andet år for alle mellem 18 og 25 år.
Derefter fortalte June om sin fars øgenavn, »Sankt Kaffe«, for arrangementer som dette, og fik dem begge til at grine. »Nogle katolikker kalder det det ottende sakramente,« sagde Jonah.
Opmuntret af dette fortsatte June: »Min far sagde også, at katolikker altid havde travlt med at samle penge ind, og det ser da ud til at være rigtigt.«
»Åh,« begyndte Sanne, og den ældste søn sagde: »Det passer ikke!«
»Ja, Daniel, forklar du det,« sagde Sanne, og Daniel fortsatte: »Ji, for det første er pengene symbolske; det er, som om vi giver os selv. Det er helt i orden kun at lægge en lille mønt i – det gør de fleste faktisk. Og så bliver vores offergaver – os selv – båret op til alteret, som om vi giver os selv til Gud. For det andet: Kirken i Danmark er langt fra rig. Vi får ingen skattepenge, og bygningerne skal repareres og opvarmes om vinteren, og præsterne skal jo også spise, ved du nok.”
»Sådan har jeg aldrig tænkt på det,« sagde June.

Turen hjem var hyggelig. Daniel og Peter, den næstældste, fortalte hende om nogle vilde lege ude i skoven, om at ride på heste og om en dum lærer i skolen. Andreas fortalte hende højtideligt, at han var opkaldt efter præsten, og Markus pludrede lystigt til hende. Den mindste sov, men vågnede grædende. June gav ham behændigt hans sut og klappede ham blidt på håret, indtil han faldt i søvn igen.
»Du er god til det her,« sagde Sanne, »har du selv børn?«
June følte ikke, at hun snagede, og svarede undvigende. »Jeg har ingen familie, bortset fra mine gamle forældre, der bor langt væk.«

Hun bad om at blive sat af ved busstoppestedet. Sanne gav hende deres telefonnummer og tilføjede: »Tøv ikke med at ringe, hvis du har brug for et lift.«
»Jeg skal først lige have en telefon,« svarede June.
»Skaf dig en, vi går vinteren i møde. Og du bør også skaffe dig en cykel,« tilføjede Sanne. »Det er helt overkommeligt at cykle ind til byen.«
»Tak for alt og for turen,« sagde June og vinkede.

June gik hjemad mens hun grublede. »Fred«. Ordet »fred« var blevet gentaget flere gange under messen. Det havde været både det første og sidste ord, præsten havde sagt. Og hun følte sig mere fredfyldt end nogensinde før.