Percy's Story revised

Yesterday I posted my Words for Wednesday story. It seems I did get myself and my dear readers hopelessly entangled  in Percy, the ghost's meandering story. Well Percy is a ghost, and her tales tend to drift and spin, but I do not intend to let anyone get lost in her words. Now I revised this part and try again. Please tell me if you're still lost as to whom is which and doing what. All corrections are accepted, no appreciated with thankfulness.

A small group of apprentices were gathered in the broomshed. Their brooms lay on the floor, or leaned against stalls and walls. In the middle of the group, Susan sat, wet and shivering, with a blanket around her dripping, wet body.
  "I don't belong here!" Susan said in a miserable voice. "Never in living memory has anybody made such a disaster of themself," Susan said with a quiver in her voice.
  "Maybe not in living memory," but what about the memories of a ghost?" Percy said, walking in through the wall.
  Susan pulled the coarsely woven blanket tighter around her wet figure with a shiver.
  "Do tell!" Veronika encouraged the ghost.
  "Maybe you fell into the water obstacle upon exiting the gravity well," Percy said, getting less and less translucent, as she spoke. "And maybe you failed every other obstacle at least once. But you never gave up. You finished the broom race, even though you knew you would end up last."
  "Last!" Susan exclaimed. "I dare say. All the others waited for me at the finishing line for almost half an hour!"
  "Yes," Percy said. "They waited for you. Doesn't that tell you something?"
Percy looked at Susan, who stopped sobbing and looked at her.
"Now listen to my story," Percy continued. "It was one of the older ghosts, who told me this. It dates back from the days when schools for magic were like ordinary boarding schools. When they held a broom race -- it was not held every year then -- one of the boys in third year -- let's call him Allan --  bragged continuously about his prowess on a broomstick. Well, none of the racing teams -- and they even had four of them -- wanted him on their team, but the very next day he challenged every apprentice to race him -- just like now it was customary to leave the race track up for everyone to have a go at it. Every apprentice in the whole school accepted the challenge, and every single one of them, even the first years, outflew him. But Allan did not give up, he stubbornly stayed at the school. He was very quiet for a long time after the broom race. Allan did not say a word to anybody for at lest a month -- the professors thought he was ill, and some even considered exorcising him or de-hexing him or something. Then Allan spoke in one or two word sentences for very long, but he still practised flying, and he also diligently practised all the other forms of magic. And this man, Allan -- it is not his real name by the way -- ended up one of the finest wizards of his year."

  Susan drew a shivering breath and smiled tentatively at the others. Veronika smiled back, one of her flashing smiles: "You know, Susan, you can't be best, or even good at everything."
  "We all wanted so much to finally beat you," Tage said. Lis, Bo, Helge, and Heidi smiled warmly at her and nodded.
  "Well," Heidi said. "I know I'm better than you at transformations, but that's about it. You sure belong here. Just as much as the rest of us."
  "You just have to practise flying those obstacles a bit more," Fiona said. "I'll teach you how. if you care."
  "Do I?" Susan said smiling broadly, "Let me get some dry stuff, then I'm ready!"

As the apprentices walked together out in the sunshine, Susan almost did not feel the ground beneath her feet.


PS: It may be easier -- if you'd like to -- to read the long description of the broom racing contest and much more here: Broom Racing at my dedicated Unicorn Farm Site.